Facebook

I have facebook as well as this blog... the thing is that most people don't know that and don't connect the two... which may be a good thing...
The following are differen excerpts I wanted to post on Facebook on the days that are listed with them.

12-9-07
I feel like I need to tell someone what is going on with me and I am also afraid that no matter who I try to tell things to right now they may freak out. Please don't freak out ok?
Just keep me in your prayers.... I feel like I am drowning.... I don't know what to think and my brain is on overdrive trying to find answers for questions that I don't want to ask out loud. If I did ask them out loud then people would worry about me. I don't want that.
I am feeling so broken right now I don't know where to turn. I can try to pray but I feel like I am empty.
The only time I feel filled is when I am doing things for others... but that is not the right thing to do right now because I need to take care of myself and get studies done. As long as I keep my hands busy or mind distracted I am fine but that is not how life should be.
I pick up my Bible to read, and then put it down because I don't know where to begin. I want to be away from people to think but when I am away then I am worried about everything and can't think clearly. This cycle is something I can't seem to break.
EA Poe's poem stands out to me: "Dreamland" I have it up on my wall.

12-10-07
I know I have hurt myself by posting things before so here is the deal... I am trusting you... I am making myself vulnerable way beyond what I am comfortable with...
If you have known me for a long time, if you are someone I talk to as much as your and my schedule allow, if you are close to me and think you know me extremely well, or if I go to you when I have problems, YOU may read this...
If you are not included in the list above then you read this at your own risk... if you do not like what you see then fine…
In the long run I know my friends will understand me better.

Statuses that I wish I felt comfortable putting up... but realize that they are sometimes too personal at the times I would want to write them and make me too vulnerable...
(These do not necessarily apply to today or any specific time... they are just things that I might have put up if Facebook were a site that only a selected few could see...)

Katie is depressed.

Katie is extremely stressed although she promised she wouldn't stress.

Katie is wanting solitude and time to be completely alone with no one even wanting to give her a hug or pat her shoulder.

Katie is hating the fact that sometimes when her friends feel the most down and in need she is too depressed to do anything.... wishing everything would go away! ...

Katie is wondering why life has to be so horrible.

Katie is wondering when life will just be over....

Katie is wondering if anyone cares but doesn't want anyone to read this because that would make them care... she wants people to care and show it because they want to and not because she said anything.

Katie is wishing she could just give up.

Katie is feeling completely put out at life and upset because of her own stupidity.

Katie is wondering why she can't answer questions that keep popping into her head... if she could then she could relax some more.

Katie is wondering if she will be able to be a friend again.

Katie is worried about her friends because of things they are going through but is then again glad because she knows things may end up hurting them more than they want to admit.

Katie is missing someone in her life that she can talk to......

Katie is wanting to open up to someone about all the shit she has inside her but is not allowing herself to trust anyone to that extent.

Katie is wishing she could trust others.

Katie is hoping her attitude changes quick or she will pop someone's head off and that may not be that pretty....

Katie is feeling all alone in the world.

Katie is wishing someone would answer their phone.

Katie is not praying much anymore because she doesn't know what to say... she is too full of hurt and anger and grief that she is ready to burst.

Katie is scared.