(This is more understandable in my word document becuase the art of the poetry is not only in the words chosen but also in the way they spaced on the page like a wandering winding path.)
Storm Showers Scatter
Sunny Son Rays
Barriers Breaking Boulders
Shrouded Stunted Surrender
Willingly Un-Willing
Fully Wholly Wanted Un-Wanting
Un-Warranted Un-Giving
Warranted Wanted Given
Drained Gone Empty
Rain Sun Son
Cleaning Showing Growing
Dark Tall Strong Oak
Among Safety’s Branches
Hidden Comforted
Misted Veiled Un-Seen
Raining Gusts Tears
Sobs Sighs Shaking
Certainty of Un-Certainty
Life’s Long Road
Monday, April 16, 2007
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
“Side note:”
Tears I shed in solitude
When they are able to flow…
It hurts to not be able to cry.
Especially when friends
Seeming to rise and grow
Then in the moment die.
When they are able to flow…
It hurts to not be able to cry.
Especially when friends
Seeming to rise and grow
Then in the moment die.
“Instrument” 3-21-06
Why O’Lord? – I care so much!
I want my friends to see.
But, then again, O’Lord, my God,
Please don’t let them see me!
I want my friends to see.
But, then again, O’Lord, my God,
Please don’t let them see me!
“Emotion.” 2-11-07
Human reactionary inward focused expressions.
Outward thought of inward feelings.
Heart aching, moral crushing, hope shattering, standard
bending,… pain for another.
I see thieves, questions, hearts, minds, friends, comfort,
hurt, circles, thoughts, emotions, care, flirting, joy,
closeness, controversy, passions, and people.
Dancing… close, touch, hair, guy, girl, roller coaster,
emotions… bold, both, wild, questions,
unquestioned, hurt, fate, pain…
No closeness, friend… fading thought, PAIN!, torn,
DEATH, gone, morbidly tearing, questions die
on the tongue, parting soon… gone…
EMOTIONS!, distance, wounds, salt, renting open.
Nothing feels worse!
Oh, GOD!
closeness gone.
friend dead.
people die.
time continues.
again ALONE.
wrenched, my heart, when I try!
Oh, so that I could cry!
Best friend… gone.
Outward thought of inward feelings.
Heart aching, moral crushing, hope shattering, standard
bending,… pain for another.
I see thieves, questions, hearts, minds, friends, comfort,
hurt, circles, thoughts, emotions, care, flirting, joy,
closeness, controversy, passions, and people.
Dancing… close, touch, hair, guy, girl, roller coaster,
emotions… bold, both, wild, questions,
unquestioned, hurt, fate, pain…
No closeness, friend… fading thought, PAIN!, torn,
DEATH, gone, morbidly tearing, questions die
on the tongue, parting soon… gone…
EMOTIONS!, distance, wounds, salt, renting open.
Nothing feels worse!
Oh, GOD!
closeness gone.
friend dead.
people die.
time continues.
again ALONE.
wrenched, my heart, when I try!
Oh, so that I could cry!
Best friend… gone.
“Broken” 12-28-06
Tears, they come readily as uncertainty seems certain.
Questions unanswered, tomorrow, doubts.
Why do things happen? Why to those I love?
Care, it is impossible to give when I must do nothing.
Time, the only healer: it must be taken and done.
Why can’t I be patient? Why it seems so slow?
I want tomorrow to come before tomorrow is here.
I want what is right but always find the other ways.
Why is life short? Why is the road long?
Fear, afraid of what might come, the unknown.
Look back, learn from the past, doesn’t always work.
Why is hind sight 20/20? Why do my mistakes bring hope?
Emotion, hope, fear, tears, care Questions.
All built to last forever, never to be fully understood.
Why is my life the way it is? Why do I ask, try or care?
Thoughts pooled in the mind, things to forget, leave behind.
Truth can be found by the Source, Hope Eternal, He is the Course.
Why does He love me? Why did He give Himself?
His choice is to break me, broken I become.
Knowing I can trust is hard. Giving in is worse.
Lord, Why is it so hard? Lord, Take me, Make me trust You.
Questions unanswered, tomorrow, doubts.
Why do things happen? Why to those I love?
Care, it is impossible to give when I must do nothing.
Time, the only healer: it must be taken and done.
Why can’t I be patient? Why it seems so slow?
I want tomorrow to come before tomorrow is here.
I want what is right but always find the other ways.
Why is life short? Why is the road long?
Fear, afraid of what might come, the unknown.
Look back, learn from the past, doesn’t always work.
Why is hind sight 20/20? Why do my mistakes bring hope?
Emotion, hope, fear, tears, care Questions.
All built to last forever, never to be fully understood.
Why is my life the way it is? Why do I ask, try or care?
Thoughts pooled in the mind, things to forget, leave behind.
Truth can be found by the Source, Hope Eternal, He is the Course.
Why does He love me? Why did He give Himself?
His choice is to break me, broken I become.
Knowing I can trust is hard. Giving in is worse.
Lord, Why is it so hard? Lord, Take me, Make me trust You.
“Pain” 1-11-07
Silence…
No words spoken…
No thoughts transferred…
No closeness, as things fall apart…
It is not a want for distance…
It is a want for change, renewal…
It is a want for time to understand…
Why are things the way they are?
Why did I react the way I did?
Why, my want is to change?
How can one understand?
How can anything change?
How, without interaction?
Is there still care?
Is there still a want to be known?
Is there still a way?
No closeness, as things fall apart…
No thoughts transferred…
No words spoken…
Silence…
No words spoken…
No thoughts transferred…
No closeness, as things fall apart…
It is not a want for distance…
It is a want for change, renewal…
It is a want for time to understand…
Why are things the way they are?
Why did I react the way I did?
Why, my want is to change?
How can one understand?
How can anything change?
How, without interaction?
Is there still care?
Is there still a want to be known?
Is there still a way?
No closeness, as things fall apart…
No thoughts transferred…
No words spoken…
Silence…
“Pain continued…” 1-13-07
Conversing…
Talking to emptiness…
Thoughts don’t seem to stick…
Confusion and contemplation arise…
Why did I try?
Why did I hurt?
Why did I pursue?
Why do I care still?
Round the currents flow,
Round and rough they rub,
Right when all is wrong,
Right when times are tough.
Thoughts of the past,
Times of peace and comfort,
The tightness of closeness,
The wanting falls away.
Pain and tears,
Each night, consistent,
Push forward to be heard,
Push for time in a world of hurt.
Confusion and contemplation arise…
Thoughts don’t seem to stick…
Talking to emptiness…
Conversing…
Talking to emptiness…
Thoughts don’t seem to stick…
Confusion and contemplation arise…
Why did I try?
Why did I hurt?
Why did I pursue?
Why do I care still?
Round the currents flow,
Round and rough they rub,
Right when all is wrong,
Right when times are tough.
Thoughts of the past,
Times of peace and comfort,
The tightness of closeness,
The wanting falls away.
Pain and tears,
Each night, consistent,
Push forward to be heard,
Push for time in a world of hurt.
Confusion and contemplation arise…
Thoughts don’t seem to stick…
Talking to emptiness…
Conversing…
“Farewell to Friends” 1-6-06
Silently as I give up,
Drum beats start to toll.
All whom are hurt, they gather,
Round about they stroll.
Shaking heads in amusement,
They watch my blank face.
As the wood is sealed and locked,
And I am buried in my place.
My life, I tried to live for others,
But lived mostly for myself.
Now looking at the friends all hurt,
And me up on the shelf.
I hate myself for what I have done,
For what I still will do,
But after all, all I have done,
Nothing is ever really new.
The pain and heartache are expected,
The solitude and silence too.
No one should ever want to know me,
Especially those I hurt like You.
As I pull back I want others to feel,
Free to be and free to do,
Whatever on their hearts and minds,
Whatever God calls them to.
I don’t want them, for one moment,
To ever consider thinking of me,
For their lives are for them,
To go, and do and be, without me.
Drum beats start to toll.
All whom are hurt, they gather,
Round about they stroll.
Shaking heads in amusement,
They watch my blank face.
As the wood is sealed and locked,
And I am buried in my place.
My life, I tried to live for others,
But lived mostly for myself.
Now looking at the friends all hurt,
And me up on the shelf.
I hate myself for what I have done,
For what I still will do,
But after all, all I have done,
Nothing is ever really new.
The pain and heartache are expected,
The solitude and silence too.
No one should ever want to know me,
Especially those I hurt like You.
As I pull back I want others to feel,
Free to be and free to do,
Whatever on their hearts and minds,
Whatever God calls them to.
I don’t want them, for one moment,
To ever consider thinking of me,
For their lives are for them,
To go, and do and be, without me.
“LIFE TO DEATH.” 11-13-06
Tears, I want to cry, don’t come smoothly.
The thought of being a figment, fleeting,
Gliding along, shadow of what was…
No more wanting to be seen.
Silently, Dream that comes and goes,
Image of the untamed mind,
Hope flees, I pray may someday return.
Circles, concentric, round, swirling,
Blinding and Binding me in space.
Nothing is solid, No one to trust,
Only One stands. ALONE.
The thought of being a figment, fleeting,
Gliding along, shadow of what was…
No more wanting to be seen.
Silently, Dream that comes and goes,
Image of the untamed mind,
Hope flees, I pray may someday return.
Circles, concentric, round, swirling,
Blinding and Binding me in space.
Nothing is solid, No one to trust,
Only One stands. ALONE.
“Night Stalker” 11-4-06
Night, the silent stalker comes,
IT steals away my dreams.
My hopes, that seemed immortal,
All now are but Fears of things.
My time it has been ticking,
This time I have runs low.
My hope of a sure tomorrow
Lessens to an ember’s glow.
News, though sweet should be,
Eats me all up inside.
One I love is tiring,
Thus Two I fear may die.
IT steals away my dreams.
My hopes, that seemed immortal,
All now are but Fears of things.
My time it has been ticking,
This time I have runs low.
My hope of a sure tomorrow
Lessens to an ember’s glow.
News, though sweet should be,
Eats me all up inside.
One I love is tiring,
Thus Two I fear may die.
“Struggle” 3-21-06
This pain so fresh it takes its toll,
My heart, I feel, has been stole.
New times and races now I face,
To be myself and find my place.
I pay a debt that I took out,
I look back but I must not pout.
My peace is shattered, in others unsound,
My peace in You needs to be found.
My heart is broken and pain is free,
I, myself, I need to feel and be.
But I am linked to a friend,
A friend and sister to the end.
My heart, I feel, has been stole.
New times and races now I face,
To be myself and find my place.
I pay a debt that I took out,
I look back but I must not pout.
My peace is shattered, in others unsound,
My peace in You needs to be found.
My heart is broken and pain is free,
I, myself, I need to feel and be.
But I am linked to a friend,
A friend and sister to the end.
“Light Though the Tunnel” 1-22-07
Clatter and clutter, circle round and down.
Our world born, dead shrouded, all clouded fog.
Muddy water sucks us in heavy bog.
Pieces of thought, like leaves, falling to ground.
Knowledge is not known, or time want to stay.
Confusion constantly, light swirls, all bow.
Hoping, waiting, watching, wanting, more, now.
These thoughts, can feel, solid, rock hard in day.
Counting days and hours till night goes, gone.
Dark as night and dead as stone, life too, die.
Birth, come silent, eager, new life, too, bye.
Later, see the rising sun, bright, come dawn.
He came, He gave, Life new and bold to me.
Holding me close, He shows His love for me.
Our world born, dead shrouded, all clouded fog.
Muddy water sucks us in heavy bog.
Pieces of thought, like leaves, falling to ground.
Knowledge is not known, or time want to stay.
Confusion constantly, light swirls, all bow.
Hoping, waiting, watching, wanting, more, now.
These thoughts, can feel, solid, rock hard in day.
Counting days and hours till night goes, gone.
Dark as night and dead as stone, life too, die.
Birth, come silent, eager, new life, too, bye.
Later, see the rising sun, bright, come dawn.
He came, He gave, Life new and bold to me.
Holding me close, He shows His love for me.
“Similarities” 10-5-06
These same poems and songs keep circling my head,
These common themes speak volumes of lore,
Not of forgotten lore but more the lore untold, unheard,
Lore that make me ponder things about my world.
Why do these thoughts come to me?
What makes me think to speak?
Why do I write these circling dreams,
Down upon the page?
Ponder again why I was made,
Question my silent, secret origins.
My God has a plan and I must do
– What’er he calls me to.
‘Tis His world not mine, -
‘Tis His time too,
My path is in His hand.
These common themes speak volumes of lore,
Not of forgotten lore but more the lore untold, unheard,
Lore that make me ponder things about my world.
Why do these thoughts come to me?
What makes me think to speak?
Why do I write these circling dreams,
Down upon the page?
Ponder again why I was made,
Question my silent, secret origins.
My God has a plan and I must do
– What’er he calls me to.
‘Tis His world not mine, -
‘Tis His time too,
My path is in His hand.
“Shadows”
Shadows are the fog of the mind,
The things we forget and leave behind.
An old box of mystery on a tall shelf,
Is a good example of this and shows us ourselves.
Follow behind us, it is what shadows do,
A constant reminder of the scattered and strewn.
Picking up shadows is very hard to do,
Unless you use a light, and search anew.
The past is a shadow of what has been,
The present, a light, for the shadows within.
Future still stands, untested fate,
Of where shadows choose to show their face.
My life is a shadow,
In the sight of the King.
My life is a gift,
From Him to me.
This is my choice, to live it as best,
To give Him my praise, and not to test.
This I give back to Him,
For all He has done.
He gave me His Life;
He gave me His Son.
My Life is His to do as He please,
To bring Him Glory to put me on my knees.
Amen.
The things we forget and leave behind.
An old box of mystery on a tall shelf,
Is a good example of this and shows us ourselves.
Follow behind us, it is what shadows do,
A constant reminder of the scattered and strewn.
Picking up shadows is very hard to do,
Unless you use a light, and search anew.
The past is a shadow of what has been,
The present, a light, for the shadows within.
Future still stands, untested fate,
Of where shadows choose to show their face.
My life is a shadow,
In the sight of the King.
My life is a gift,
From Him to me.
This is my choice, to live it as best,
To give Him my praise, and not to test.
This I give back to Him,
For all He has done.
He gave me His Life;
He gave me His Son.
My Life is His to do as He please,
To bring Him Glory to put me on my knees.
Amen.
“H. Regnizt” 4-3-07
LOST
To the world.
How do I find her?
Do I want to try to find her?
How do I step into her path to help?
Is this a battle I should fight?
Am I put here to help?
Should I step out?
Do I step out?
Baby steps.
YES
We do.
Friends help.
Am I a good friend?
Am I just a place to dump?
I don’t think I can be there for her.
The depth of sadness is deeper than I know.
I am not a professional to understand.
The emotions are like mountains.
Tall peaks that come alive.
Though valley’s calm,
Peace is visible.
Then sorrow.
PAIN
It grows.
This is constant.
Her life is sealed to be.
Picturing what was, the past.
Experiences of torture,
Never going away.
Coming back.
Haunting.
PAIN, YES, LOST
To the world.
How do I find her?
Do I want to try to find her?
How do I step into her path to help?
Is this a battle I should fight?
Am I put here to help?
Should I step out?
Do I step out?
Baby steps.
YES
We do.
Friends help.
Am I a good friend?
Am I just a place to dump?
I don’t think I can be there for her.
The depth of sadness is deeper than I know.
I am not a professional to understand.
The emotions are like mountains.
Tall peaks that come alive.
Though valley’s calm,
Peace is visible.
Then sorrow.
PAIN
It grows.
This is constant.
Her life is sealed to be.
Picturing what was, the past.
Experiences of torture,
Never going away.
Coming back.
Haunting.
PAIN, YES, LOST
Monday, April 2, 2007
"Such Languages" (07)
We talk in such languages,
in each walk in life,
yet each walk’s talk is different.
Not a one is the same as another,
but small parallels that can be drawn.
I don’t want to list them.
There are too many to count.
The differences and parallels together
are an innumerable amount.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts of depth come rushing,
powerful and strong at best.
These thoughts they overflow the senses,
and emotion crashes round as a flood.
Of all this, what shows?
Stillness, death, solitude, poise.
Emotion like water rushing
quakes the body and rushes out in tears and sighs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Comfort I want but must be wise,
danger surrounds.
Leaning on something wrong,
could crumble my tower to the ground.
Sympathy I want, to push away,
yet if offered, with loving care,
willingly I accept.
Though,
none reaches out to me,
none that is of yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why can’t I trust?
Such a simple thought.
Those I should trust I should trust.
They are the ones that
have already proven themselves
and try to prove themselves
to be honest and true.
in each walk in life,
yet each walk’s talk is different.
Not a one is the same as another,
but small parallels that can be drawn.
I don’t want to list them.
There are too many to count.
The differences and parallels together
are an innumerable amount.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts of depth come rushing,
powerful and strong at best.
These thoughts they overflow the senses,
and emotion crashes round as a flood.
Of all this, what shows?
Stillness, death, solitude, poise.
Emotion like water rushing
quakes the body and rushes out in tears and sighs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Comfort I want but must be wise,
danger surrounds.
Leaning on something wrong,
could crumble my tower to the ground.
Sympathy I want, to push away,
yet if offered, with loving care,
willingly I accept.
Though,
none reaches out to me,
none that is of yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why can’t I trust?
Such a simple thought.
Those I should trust I should trust.
They are the ones that
have already proven themselves
and try to prove themselves
to be honest and true.
“Solidity” 4-1-07
Together, Closeness, Feeling, Smooth,
More? Wanting? What?
Questions more than answers form…
But thoughts do tell a tale…
Am I the special one?
Or am I just another shoe lace?
Is there a difference?
How do I compare?
Is it good for me to ask?
Or should I just guess at thin air?
I want to be different,
There is a limit.
What is happening?
Is it all a dream?
I wake up to find the truth.
There is no way of knowing,
If that truth be Truth.
Should I go from the past and think I have learned?
No, I shall go from the present and find ways I need to change.
Starting now, I want to change.
I will try, I will persevere, I Want to.
There is a goal, a prize, maybe, hoping.
In the distance, What could be?
More? Wanting? What?
Questions more than answers form…
But thoughts do tell a tale…
Am I the special one?
Or am I just another shoe lace?
Is there a difference?
How do I compare?
Is it good for me to ask?
Or should I just guess at thin air?
I want to be different,
There is a limit.
What is happening?
Is it all a dream?
I wake up to find the truth.
There is no way of knowing,
If that truth be Truth.
Should I go from the past and think I have learned?
No, I shall go from the present and find ways I need to change.
Starting now, I want to change.
I will try, I will persevere, I Want to.
There is a goal, a prize, maybe, hoping.
In the distance, What could be?
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