Thoughts... Feelings... 7-25-07

What is thinking?
What is feeling?

Oh how thoughts define our actions!!
How do I know what I think is what I feel is right?
I wish I knew if it were right!!

It was said, "I think therefore I am,"
but now we see that we are not what we think we are!
What am I? Who am I?
Where am I going?
Why do I question these things now?

Half done is not done!
One must complete the circle...
To know recriprocation.
To feel reciprocation.

To know one must think...
What is thinking?
To feel one must understand feeling...
What is feeling?

Paths cross for a reason.
Why did ours?
Why am I thinking and feeling when I have told myself to stop so many times!!!

Silence is an answer...
Waiting for an answer...
Maybe one will come...
Two years down the road?
Six to Eight years down the road?

Enjoyment may last for a moment...
Thoughts and hopes can last for years...
It has been years already.
Time is still ticking by.

Feelings that I tried to stop, to push aside, to hide, to keep forever gone...
Keep persistantly renewing, strengthening, I can't explain...
It hurts...

I know there is still searching.
I know there was a possible finding.
I wish there was an answer... Silence...

I can wait. I can hold on.
Don't worry about me.
I have things I have to focus on...
I will keep going.

The wheel keeps spinning...
Stuck in the same mud.
Some day it will be freed...
One way or another.
I will some day be free.

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I feel I need to apologize that this is so choppy. It was hard to write. Some of the phrases could have two meanings some don't. I hope whoever reads this knows that I look forward to the future and whatever God has planned for me. Yes, I am confused and questioning, but There is Someone who is bigger than my confusion working on this. HE Loves me and He will take care of me for eternity. In Christ, Kt B <><

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Part of me wants to take this off of here because of the repercussions it has brought. I am not ashamed to have it here because it is one way that I was trying to express, even to myself, what I was going on. In another way I wish I had never put it here to begin with because of the things it has dug up that I fear came up at the wrong time. For anyone I have hurt or confused by this I am sorry. Please forgive me. As always, I know God has plans for me in His time. I love HIM and HE loves me. In Christ, Kt B <><