“Flirty Friend” 8-16-07

Flighty Flirty Friends Find Follows of the Heart.
Hearing Heard Words
Thinking Thoughts Thanks Time Together Tickles
Listening and hearing are two different things.
Friend of the first need to learn a few things.
To hear and understand and come along side someone,
they must be willing and wanting to know them for long.
Some of my friends are one, some the other.
The ones for a time the other is for pressure.

The closer the one that continues to be.
Present in danger, hope for tomorrow.
Stuck and sticking closer from time,
Hearts understanding, lighting the way.
Willing to just be, willing to give,
Willing to share life and hopes and live.

Forever our struggle of friendship will be.
But so long as the struggle continues friends we are.
Friends fight for the friendship, not giving up,
Thus we prove we can play the part.
But not only in play but in hurt and heartache.
Not always the two will be, they could break.
Struggle against this constant possibility,
Friends are formed from unlikely odds

Times tick by, memories made, Friendship has not dug a grave,
Hope springs new, as things grow, more friends join and grow.
As the few become more then split off, friends beget friends beget friends.
The webs we find woven around, are Friendships that we have found.
Friendships that hold us solid in place, Friendships that have not lost face.
When we fall in life’s turmoil, the net of the tight- roper takes us down.
These friends they come, helping us up, bringing us hope and to our feet.

Clouds and Setting Dusk 8-15-07

Clouds they come and pass on by as the storms of yesterday wane.
Things that were soundly brought to mind swirl down the drain.
Why do we bring such things to focus when time is all that can tell?
Why sit and ponder wondering when time later will surely tell?

Why not trust and wait, isn't that the right thing to do?
Be patient and know that He is God and nothing is really new.
If something is meant to be and one doesn't not choose it at first,
Then later maybe the timing will be better and the pieces will fit.

If not then things were not meant to be. Futrue will decide.
Todays hopes, Tomorrows dreams, the Future's possible reality.
Then again the answer may be no, in any decision we face.
The way things work in this fallen world things are thrown in our face!

As I wrote before, in a poem of yester year... "
I will open up one thought at a time for fear they all be loosed"
These thoughts are in my mind, ones I pray for and will sort through.
Some will be thrown away like leaves in the wind, Others saved for later.

NO one but me can solve this, an issue in my head.
My decision, with God's help, I pray is one of good not hurt.
Putting things away and cleaning up is hard, no task is easy.
But there is a reason, there is a way, and there is a prayer.

There is also a God who is always there.
On His rock I will stand, On His path I will go,
No matter what will come, no matter what sorrow,
As dusks evening fires glow, His safety I know!

Thoughts... Feelings... 7-25-07

What is thinking?
What is feeling?

Oh how thoughts define our actions!!
How do I know what I think is what I feel is right?
I wish I knew if it were right!!

It was said, "I think therefore I am,"
but now we see that we are not what we think we are!
What am I? Who am I?
Where am I going?
Why do I question these things now?

Half done is not done!
One must complete the circle...
To know recriprocation.
To feel reciprocation.

To know one must think...
What is thinking?
To feel one must understand feeling...
What is feeling?

Paths cross for a reason.
Why did ours?
Why am I thinking and feeling when I have told myself to stop so many times!!!

Silence is an answer...
Waiting for an answer...
Maybe one will come...
Two years down the road?
Six to Eight years down the road?

Enjoyment may last for a moment...
Thoughts and hopes can last for years...
It has been years already.
Time is still ticking by.

Feelings that I tried to stop, to push aside, to hide, to keep forever gone...
Keep persistantly renewing, strengthening, I can't explain...
It hurts...

I know there is still searching.
I know there was a possible finding.
I wish there was an answer... Silence...

I can wait. I can hold on.
Don't worry about me.
I have things I have to focus on...
I will keep going.

The wheel keeps spinning...
Stuck in the same mud.
Some day it will be freed...
One way or another.
I will some day be free.

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I feel I need to apologize that this is so choppy. It was hard to write. Some of the phrases could have two meanings some don't. I hope whoever reads this knows that I look forward to the future and whatever God has planned for me. Yes, I am confused and questioning, but There is Someone who is bigger than my confusion working on this. HE Loves me and He will take care of me for eternity. In Christ, Kt B <><

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Part of me wants to take this off of here because of the repercussions it has brought. I am not ashamed to have it here because it is one way that I was trying to express, even to myself, what I was going on. In another way I wish I had never put it here to begin with because of the things it has dug up that I fear came up at the wrong time. For anyone I have hurt or confused by this I am sorry. Please forgive me. As always, I know God has plans for me in His time. I love HIM and HE loves me. In Christ, Kt B <><

"Rain" 6-28-07

(sitting on the back porch of my grandparent's house)

Come, keep falling, perspiration from above, melts below,
Thick the rain blows, chilled filling the lungs, bold,
Electric the clouds and air tremble as mighty waters roll,
Dense and dark pillars and canopy surrond, giant sparks ignight,
Soothing heart-beat, solid strong, resets this fine-tuned place,
Tinkeling bells, no sound similar, as these crystals fall,
Never again may I see these exact ones falling agin through space,
Once was whispers now nostrils flare, leaves of trees turn, bare,
Though soft as fur and purrs, lion's roar are sure, surronding,
Passing, thoughts unfold, pen is blue hue, scribe alive,
Rain a common scene, storms a told tale too, but,
how are they remembered? What feeling? Fire? Hue?
Smells of fresh dirt, grass, and trees, natures best,
Renewed as the rain chimes, wind blows, current of tomorrow flows,
Earth melts and gives life where cycles constant regin,
Ressurection, rebirth come after sin, death, and grace,
Like the rain our lives are constantly being pulled to an end,
As the wind blows, God knows, and our futures change.
Life, a grace from God, to fall like rain and be blown to our knees.

Silence After the Storm

Agonizing torture, no relief,
Tears shed silently as shrill sudden cries would hurt,
Face of wrentching pain, grinding gnashing teeth,
Movement -- AHH! -- NO!
Pleading eyes to all around - rescue me!!
Help - stop - no more - tears...
Hour goes by, today fades, all around prickes, probing,
What to do is the question... everyone is asking...
Peace comes through the Lord,
Pain releiver, sedation, and Prayer,
The latter is most needed.
Asleep, nothing is felt, a body, needing to be put to order,
Procedure... one step at a time, hard work, pulling, POP!
Waking up....... Hours.....
No pain, exhaustion, sleep drawing, calling, begging,
Sleep appeased, time passes, wakening enough to speak,
Eyes open, more time, distractions, sleep,
Out of bed, heading home... tired... in need of rest...
Home, in bed, sleep will come, then healing...
Continuing in prayer...

“Days of Winding” 4-14-07

(This is more understandable in my word document becuase the art of the poetry is not only in the words chosen but also in the way they spaced on the page like a wandering winding path.)

Storm Showers Scatter
Sunny Son Rays
Barriers Breaking Boulders
Shrouded Stunted Surrender
Willingly Un-Willing
Fully Wholly Wanted Un-Wanting
Un-Warranted Un-Giving
Warranted Wanted Given
Drained Gone Empty
Rain Sun Son
Cleaning Showing Growing
Dark Tall Strong Oak
Among Safety’s Branches
Hidden Comforted
Misted Veiled Un-Seen
Raining Gusts Tears
Sobs Sighs Shaking
Certainty of Un-Certainty
Life’s Long Road

“Side note:”

Tears I shed in solitude
When they are able to flow…
It hurts to not be able to cry.
Especially when friends
Seeming to rise and grow
Then in the moment die.